The Ogbono Interview

A BEAUTIFUL MORNING/A BEAUTYFULL LADY

Oh what a beautiful Morning
Oh what a beautiful day
I've got a beautiful feeling
Everything's going my way
Oh what a beautiful day

Well, this morning, I saw a beautiful ladyI won't bother defining what a BEAUTY-FULL lady is since beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but I digress. See I think the government should make it crime for beautiful women and brothers to be on the street at the same time. Today I was walking towards a western Union to pay my utility bills (as usual) and I saw two beautiful ladies walking towards me from opposite direction. I almost had whiplash looking at them and I could have sworn that one of them winked at me and that made me slip on the ice on the floor. Not only that I hit my forehead on the glass pane of the Western Union. It's not fair that these sisters keep popping up at me in different places. The least they could do is warn a brother by either trafficating of blowing their horn.

It gets worse when they do that at supermarket especially when you in the embarrassing products section. I mean, I barely survived Nigeria where there is an epidemic of BEAUTY-FULL ones. It doesn't help that they don't call before dropping by your house. Once I ended up with four ladies in my house, each of them wondering what the other was there for. I wasn't even sure what language to speak. In the usual Nigerian tradition, I just gave them a bottle of coke and an album to look at. That's when one of them asked me the question: "Are these girls your cousins?" Cousin ko Cousin ni..I know in Nigeria, everybody is your cousin but she was pushing it too far. I think there ought to be a law. You know the way we have even plate number and odd plate number days , there should be beautiful ladies day and all brother's days. So if beautiful ladies take Sunday, Tuesday and Thursdays, brothers will take Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I will throw in Saturday for the gap-toothed ladies cos they are the most BEAUTY-FULL and the most dangerous.

THE OGBONO INTERVIEW.
Ever met a man, go out on a first date and he is already asking you what dishes you cook?? Well despair not, cos you are having the famed "Ogbono Interview." My friend was PO because she thought she was being interviewed for marriagewell maybe but as I found out after my thorough investigations, I found out that this interview is just a way for him to know
if he will starve for the rest of his life,
if he will make the microwave dinner industry richer in the near future,
if his children will be very short and skinny from malnutrition and
if his mother will come and live with him in his married home.

You don't blame a guy if he want to be comfortable in his marriage, but if you are pissed off because of this, I UNDERSTAND!!!!

But like I said despair not, cos another friend of mine complained about the same thing in a different format. He met a woman and on their semi-second date, she was already asking for details. She wanted to know:
If he had a career?
What kind of career it was, she actually asked if it was investment banking, consulting or law (she does not care about a JOB because JOB means Just On Budget and she does not want to live on a budget)
What kind of 4WD drive he had
If he owned or rented a home
If he owned a checking account with no monthly fees (because it means it has a lot in it)
Where he usually goes on vacation

Well, this interview is called the Cash Flow Interview. So guys, if you are with a potential and you suddenly hear her friends ask if she has conducted a CFI, you won't be too ignorant about it.

Again, you don't blame the woman if she wants to be comfortable in her marriage, but if you are pissed off because of this, I UNDERSTAND!!!!

PASSAGE RITES OF MARRIAGE.

While I am still on this tip, I got an anonymous call from a love doctor at Love Nest Communications. He needed your help to help solve someone's problem cos he is also baffled and needs a solution. A young lady came to him and complained that as soon as she dumps her boyfriends, they get married within six months. She wasn't sure if it was her or just coincidence so she dated one more guy for the heck of it and guess what.yep, he got hooked within six months. Now she wants to know what wrong.. She is still in love with two of them but obviously, there aint much she can do but what do you guys think?

See, the theory at Love Nest is that she is going through the PASSAGE RITES OF MARRIAGE whereby the guy lives with her, gets a feel for what "marriage" and living with someone is like and they marry someone else and there they correct any mistake they made with her. The fact that it keeps happening to her..well I myself am baffled. Statisticians at Love Nest claim that women who have gone through more than four PRM end up being single for a long time. While they do not want to condemn her to marital oblivion, they are determined to make her their first success story. Any input you make will be richly rewarded