Wireless Video

INTRO

Friday was quite a day. The office lost my paycheck. I think they found out that I yapped them in my write up last week (re: my sendoff) so they decided to show me. It meant I could not pay my rent and when my landlord came by, I knew he was not coming to get rid of the mouse that have been tip-toeing in our kitchen. To make the long weekend worse, my bank card expired and no one was answering the toll free number at the bank. If you ask me, it was a consipracy and when the car I was driving showed "E" on the fuel guage, I had to say the Lord's Financial Prayer in reverse.
WIRELESS VIDEO

By now, Kemi must think I come to her house just to eat 'cos anytime I call to say I am coming over, I always ask if there is food. (cooking or to be cooked). Friday was no different and since there wasn't much going on, I called Kemi. M&M and Dalu came by just then so we all decided to rent a movie and head over to the buka..ooopppss to Kemi's house. We got there and while the jollof rice was meditating on the fire, M&M slotted in the movie. Nothing appeared on the screen. Kemi's TV seemed to have developed a special case of amnesia . Now send me money if I am wrong but isnt there a wire that connects the TV to the VCR that enables pictures to appear on the screen? Like I said, send me money if I am wrong but I think Kemi thought her TV was psychic enough to know whats going on in her VCR.

Let me interpret the Kemi's TV's behavior in romantic lingo. Because there was no wire (communication/or ability to tap current - take your pick) to connect the TV(man) and the VCR(woman), the TV refused to show pictures (show emotions) and the VCR could not transmit picture (her feelings) because they were both not sure of what currents (vibes) were coming from the both sides. So you see the importance of a wire but I digress. Meanwhile, I had begged Kemi to fry Plantain for me. Maybe because I made fun of her wireless video but after giving giving me the standard Nigerian answer "Don't you have hands", she proceeded to smoke us out of her house like bushrats from the Bini forest. I have already purchsed a gas mask for my next visit since I am determined to eat that rice and plantain. By the way, I have asked Kemi to PLEASE purchase a VCR wire and a big screen TV with 100 gigabytes of memory (Hint hint) that's not too much to ask now is it?


OCTOBER RUSH TRANSLATED

Its September, the beginning of the fall semester. Need I say more? There will be new faces on campus, young bloods, faces shining like the moon and looking like pomo. For those looking for hookups, Brandeis U. and Bentley College resumed last week. Because of its distance from Boston, its very good for those of you who like UNDER-G hookups. Harvard and MIT follow suit this Friday 9/5/97 in case you decide on the intellectual hookup with SAT scores ranging from 1400 to near perfect and with GPAs of 3.7 and above. If you are particular about hooking up with a Nigerian, please note that in many cases, they won't be able to identify the Nigerian map/flag and even if his/her family name is Oluwole, S(he) is more likely to claim the Bronx, Brooklyn or LA as their hometown.

In addition to your own, Boston University provides the Middle Eastern and Asian flavor for those interested in international diversity. My friend on Beacon street can attest to that. By the way, I hope your friend has not drowned yet in the boymuda triangle that may include the cough mixture. Northeastern is the driest joint to go fishing. There you have a non-representative, orientationless population with no idea of what time it is. To avoid any socio-paths or psychopaths for that matter, stay away from that school not withstanding their new gym. NU is a typical case of WYSWYG- What you see, WORSE you get.


CONFERENCE ON MARRIAGE AND MUCH MUCH MORE

"Going Solo is a Crime". Is the new slogan adopted by a new club that is being formed in Boston. It's a singles club designed to bring beautiful men and handsome women (also known as EMOTIONAL INVESTORS) together with the long term goal of creating an equivalent "Couples Joint". Elections were held at the conference for an executive board. Speaking with the Chair of the conference at her John Hancock office, Canga who was elected unanimously as President of the Club, (she ran unopposed ), said she hoped to facilitate the "togetherness of people". Also elected was Kemi as Acting Secretary pending her move from Boston. I congratulate them on their election to the board. I have to add that not only are they the Eboard, they are also Clients. According to Canga, "I am available, I'm down with the cleaning , cooking, ESPN watching husband thing ( I believe that housework is one of the few neccessary evils).

And hmmh.." I am not sure what she meant by that last word.

As for Kemi, she believes that " A successful woman is one who makes the money (lot's of it) and who MISTAKENLY marries a man like the ESPN couch potato but let's him do all the housework including laundry, watching the kids if any, buy groceries, cooking (Our man has no choice but to be the house husband) But doesn't get paid for it. Before Long, Ego kicks in and our man is forced to start making money when he sees friends that are married to housewives. Don't forget these are Naija men. So unless you're very domestic, don't even think success comes from being an ESPN watcher.

"If a man will not work, He should not EAT!!" Well, I guess they both have the marriage thing figured out that's why they were elected.

DBN