THIS IS LAGOS

This is Lagos!!! How do I know? Only in Lagos will it take 3 hours to retrieve your lugguage in landing. Only in Lagos will people dump garbage exactly where the sign says "Keep lagos clean" Only in Lagos will Policemen stop you every 5meters. They don't ask for your particulars anymore, they chase to the cut and ask for money. Its only in Lagos that NEPA cooperates with the Mosquitoes to wreck havoc on the blood system and skin. This is definitely Lagos!!! A place where nobody is on seat when you go to their office. A place where you have to make an appointment with Mr. B today in order to see Mr. B tomorrow just to sign a piece of paper he could sign in just 5 seconds now. Where else will someone hit your car from behind and a soldier walk over and tell him to go??? Where else will a soldier go around town checking on his boys to make sure they are collecting enough money from motorists??? Where else can you earn N2000 a month but your landlord charges you N6000??? THIS is definitely Lagos.


NAA-NIGERIAN AIRPORT ATTITUDE

The NAA is back again. This time, it is bigger, meaner, and louder. It's a group that revives mostly at Christmas. Its motto is CHAOS. At the Amsterdam airport this Christmas, a group of Nigerians, no correct that, a plane load of Nigerians who had their flight cancelled the previous day came back to the airport the following day cursing and ranting and forming almost 5 lines when it was time to board the flight to Lagos. One interesting but seemingly illiterate guy who could not decipher the flight details on the TV monitor started to harass the flight attendant. I bet you she was tuned in the NAA because she shouted right back at him and walked out on him. Those KLM flight attendants on the Lagos route don't take shit from Nigerians anymore. They don't care if the coffee pours on your head or if you need more tea and you shout it instead of asking politely. And check out the squeaky dirty 747 which they fly to Lagos. Fly KLM on other routes and you will understand the nastiness with which the Lagos flights are handled. But who cares?? As long as I get there SAFELY.


WEAVE ONS FROM THE MOTHERLAND

Fashion in Nigeria never ceases to amaze me. I have to be forgiven if I sometimes mistaken Nigeria as the fashion capital of Africa. However, if I am correct, then this xmas certainly baffled me. Apart from the women I saw in braids, almost all the other women wore weaves. Certainly almost does not kill a bird and I definitely have no problems with weaves but when I started to mistaken a lot of Nigerian ladies for black chinese women, I knew there was a problem. Someone should educate me but I am of the opinion that in the same way that not everyone should wear spandex, am I not correct to assume that no everyone should wear weave-ons. I saw people with long beautiful hair cut it just to wear the weave. It didn't help that these people don't even know how to wear the thing. I looked at a lot of heads wearing the weave and I could still see the joining to the real hair. Forgetting my manners, I kept pointing this out to them but hey that's just me. Fashion for fashion sake, the Nigerian way?? Actually I hear they leave the joinings exposed so that people can know that they have the weave on which actually look like horse tails on their heads.


PROFILE OF THE NIGERIAN WORKER

The first question is "Who IS the Nigerian worker?" Surely if the worker is an employee of Mobil, Shell, NNPC or Chevron, the person does not qualify. Surely the guards at the American Embassy or the British High Commission does not qualify. The Nigerian worker is a phantom who is paid $25 to $40 a month, gets to work anytime just to register a presence and long enough to exchange office gossip and give an opinion on the coup. They then proceed to one of three places - back home where they just came from- as one teacher put it, he is not paid enough to stand in the classroom how much more teach. The second destination is to her place of business which possibly pays her more in a month what she could earn in four or five months. The last port of call is the local beer parlor where he can offer an in-depth analysis of the latest coup and the macro economic effects on the exchange rate. The Nigerian worker!!! Suffering and Smiling and always Managing!!!!!!


FOUR WEDDINGS AND A LOT OF ELIGIBLES

The weddings were plentiful, both traditional and church weddings, people are tying the knot in numbers and more eligible are attending these functions in great numbers. Palmwine , goat meat and jollof rice were plentiful. I saw "evil" aunts working and networking like they were planning the merger of two companies-sic. It was fun though seeing all the fine ladies and for my cousins, seeing some of the eligible bachelors. At this point, I want to say congratulations to those of you who got married this Xmas period, those who were engaged this xmas and lastly, thos who hooked up this xmas 'cos I know the wedding bells will toll soon.

The End