OSAMEDE 'D' BARBER

OSAMEDE 'D' BARBER

Considering I was being a cheapskate by not visiting the professional barbers, I had to make do with "why-worry" the barber. For those of you who lived in Ibadan, you will remember "Why-worry". He now has a representative on Nevada Ave, my roommate: Osamede Jackson. But don't come rushing for a free haircut yet until I appraise his abilities. First of all, two people have complimented my haircut and that's after discounting that nicompoop in my finance class who asked what those two dots on my head was. I have to also report that Osam ("Why-worry") did a tyson on me. My own roommate cut my left ear, he may as well have bitten it. I am still wincing in pain and I suppose that's why I snapped at Saratu who called just after and said something to me which I did not hear since I mistakenly placed the phone in my left ear. Sorry, I was in pain then. On the whole, there are many reasons to use why-worry, he is fast, dirt cheap and he carries a lot of tissue paper in case he cuts you. Lastly, I am going to have to curse out the female who called when he was cutting my hair. It was because he was distracted by you that he cut my ear, you know yourself. We decided your punishment in absentia. You have to come and cook 21 meals next week as penance. No microwave meals please.


THE HR DEPARTMENT.

Everywhere I go, I seem to run across a lot of people that work in the HR deparment. HoodRats in Boston seem to be all over the place. They flock the mall but they are not buying anything, they crowd the macdonalds but they are not looking for jobs there. They crowd the entrance ways to schools but they are actually skipping it and not attending and don't be mistaken when you see them in colleges in Boston cos they are only checking out the college guys and ladies but they don't actually think of attending college.

You cant buy HR poison in the market, its illegal, you cant chase them like you chase the four-legged ones in Nigeria. Some of them are now into some form of legalized begging. Now let me ask you a question. If you see a HoodRat in Gold-plated earrings, Tommy Hilfiger top, nikes and a can begging for money, what are the chances that my filene's Basement wearing ass will be donating some money to them??? I don't think so.


SKUL 4 WHOT???


The masters program is not what it is cut out to be, so let me console those of you who are still undergrads or those of you who are working and whining about going back to school. When I talk about the masters degree, I take liberty and refer to the MA, MBA, MS, Mphil, medical school, Metc and LL M (Law).

Why is it called a masters? Could it be that we assume we are mastering something? So let me ask you a question, what is it that you did not master as an undergraduate that you have to pay an extra $60,000 to overload your fried brain. I am not saying that people in masters programs are dumb, non-earning, broke-ass, forever want to be a student kinda people but I understand the need for more knowledge. Why not go for a PhD?

Medical Schools:
Those of you in medical schoolsare you trying to tell me you did not know how the body works by the age of 15? If not what were you doing locked in your room with that boy/girl thenDon't bother answering. Actually, the only difference between someone in med. School and a young person is that med. Students deal with cadavers. Actually, you can say those in the ghetto also deal with cadavers since people seem to be shot almost once in every while, but does that mean they are good candidates for med school? Hmmm

MBAs
One advise: if it aint broke, don't fix it. MBAs have been accused of adding no value to the economy. For the most part, they go around buying companies and selling them to others, money changed hands but nothing got added. Obviously this is a stereotype so I will move on. MBAs can be quite innovative though. I met this guy who went to Harvard Business School who is now a London Black Cab Driver with style. He has a VCR in his taxi, a camcorder that lets you take a picture of you on vacation and then he downloads this on his site (I forget the address now) and when you get home, you can view it if you have Netscape. It does not get any better than that.

Law School: LIARS rhyme with LAWYERS
Why go to law school? You all started lying as kids and by now you should be a very good liar , so why do you need to school to perfect it. Going to school only goes to show that if after 22-25yrs, you still don't know how to lie well, then you are obviously too dumb to learn more in law school. All they do is confuse you more with the mantra:
If someone stares at you: Sue them
If your dog eats you homework: sue it
In fact, if you meet anyone you don't like including your parents: sue them.

Its only a lawyer that will sue an animal. Did you know that During the OJ trial, some idiotic lawyer actually thought of getting the judge to subpoena Akita the Dog and make it testify as to what happened.

Under Cross examination:

Marcia Clark: So Akita, who did you see kill Nicole

Akita: Woof Woof

Marcia: Does that mean O.J.

Akita: Woof Woof Woof Woof

Marcia : What do you mean "It aint like that"

Johnny: Your honor, she is badgering the witness.


OSAMEDE'S LYRICS.

You are more than a man can handle but I am SUPERMAN.. Wao..These are the words from a man toasting a lady and she liked the idea too....Lately, my innocent -looking roommate has been getting all these messages both by mail and through the telephone from numerous ladies. Some of them even mistakenly leave messages on my voicemail for my roommate. As for those ones, I tell Osam, "If they can't listen and understand ---Press 1 to leave a message for Osam, they leave much to be desired for ans should be dicounted. " I don't know if Osam agrees. Anyway, last week, he got a missive from ------ and here it goes

Hark Osamede,
What yonder light breaks, you are like the sun that rises in the east and sets in the west. Your brilliant shine overpowers my heart and heats my loins. Your golden shower of rays so intense melts the coldness that I feel when stressed by the evil of this world. Oh how I long to see that African form come striding through my door dressed in fine garments made from the best of Kente cloth. My breast heaves with delight at the thought of your soft caress with those manly hands made strong from the toil of the earth. You are my Madingo, my African prince and love puss. Until I see those dreamy eyes, farewell.


------ Now who said women are not versed in the art of toasting. By the power invested in me, I have since awarded her the Pulitzer prize for toasting.

Till I come your way next week, Cheers.......... .