Awoof Dey Run Belle

Awoof Dey Run Belle

It was Superbowl Sunday and my Chicago Bears were to face the Indiana Colts and Peyton Manning. Yes, I got on the bandwagon when they won four games in a row, it seemed like such a miracle, although I knew to avoide Lake Shore Drive on Game Day since all roads basically led to Soldiers Field from there. I was pumped. We prayed for Da Bears in Church and hoped for success. Even the priest asked us to stand up and hold up our index finger and yell "Da Bears." THAT was funny.

After Church I decided to go and pick up some Superrbowl snacks, you know, chips, dips, salsa, cookies. Once I picked all I needed and paid, I decided to grap a cup of coffee for the road, afterall, it was going to be a long day. I stopped at starbucks.

I ordered a Grande White Chocolote Mocha with whip cream - "very hot" - because it was very cold outside. As I strolled to my car with my hot drink and shopping bags, I sipped and something did not taste right. I know what I had ordered, I have ordered this drink in Atlanta, Boston and the different starbucks locations I have been to in Chicago and I knew that this cup did not have the zing I was expecting and was used to. Something was definitely not right. I strolled back to Starbucks. Now my English may not be “Mr. Makata perfect,” neither does it come close to how Queen Lizzy would speak it but in the words of my hero “I know I speech real good” and I refuse to be misunderstood.

I went up and told the Barista (fake lawyer?) that he had given me a fake “grande white chocolate mocha with whip cream”….okay, I didn’t quite put it that way. (Side note: why does starbucks call them Baristas? Is their intent to mislead the public? Can you imagine if some immigrant with little command of English who has some immigration problems and decides to go and hire a Barista, because he thinks the Barista can get him off! Come to think of it, the Barista could get him off, but just on caffeine! But I digress)

I complained sha and enunciated my order in case his suburban ears could not handle my delicate Nigerian accent. “Not a problem” he said, as he proceeded to brew another or should I say, the correct drink I had asked for.

Now remember, earlier, I told you I had ordered a “Grande (Medium) white chocolate…..” right! Okay. Number one, the price I had paid the first time was lower than what I had consistently paid on other occasions. That should have been my first warning that something was off, but then again, have you seen any naija person that goes to buy what would normally be a $500 Gucci purse in a Gucci store, they tell you it will cost you $150, do you take the bag, pay and run, or do you stand there as if you are Mother Teresa and ask, why are you not charging more? I think not. (This is what lawyers would call a leading argument…)

This time, he brewed the correct drink and I noticed he made it in a Venti (Large) cup. I wanted to say “ol boy, I told you grande oh, don’t go and ask me to pay for the bigger cup of coffee now. But you know I didn’t say that, I rationalized, maybe he is just making up for his earlier mistake. I kukuma kept quiet. [Awoof number 2.]

When he handed me the Venti, he asked me to take the grande he had made earlier with me. (Awoof number 3). Do you realize what has just happened? Its like I bought one economy class ticket to London on Nigeria Airways, only to go back to the counter and somehow end up with two first class tickets on British Airways. (Hmm, is my luggage is about to get lost….)

I got home with my cups of coffee, gave my wife the Grande and told her I bought it for her, okay beat me, I lied, but I made the sign of the cross as I gave it to her. With the Sunday paper in hand, I read and sipped and the Venti White Chocolate Mocha with Whip Cream warmed my body on this cold winter morning.

At the risk of being too graphic, an hour later, my stomach was doing “shakira shakira.” I found myself on the throne dropping the kids at the pool. Two hours later, I was back on the throne. Na wa oh, see me see trouble. Almost like clock work, it was as if the gods of Starbucks or could it be that the Barista gods had come to collect!! It was as if they said “you cant cheat corporate America, we will squeeze more out of you than you can out of us, yeye boy”

In between, I watched the superbowl and to add insult onto a growing injury, the Chicago Bears lost the game. Next time, if you all go to starbucks, make sure you write down your order and pay full price, otherwise, go to Dunkin Donuts. Me, I will write down my order in capital letters, cos, this last awoof run my belle well well.