So Long a Letter

D ear Joromi,

How are you? I hope you are doing okay? How is Nigeria? I hope the austerity is not too bad oh! I just got the letter you wrote three months ago. Did you not post it in time? Three months is such a long time not to see your fine handwriting. Anyway, thank you for the 8paged letter. You surely know how to express your love in so many words. However, my dear, I did not understand some of your statements. You said something like

"My doxology is at a maximum climatic peak"

Before I left Nigeria, I know your father was not planning to be a mountain climber so to talk about climatic peak is something which I fail to understand. Unless you have moved to Jos but your letter still says you live at Agidingbi.

How is Mama Bomboy? Does she still have her akara shop at Tejuosho market? I hear her son, won a scholarship to FGC Enugu, extend my congratulations. You also said that Mama Peter's police dogs were missing and they were accusing the mallam at the suya shop of killing them to make suya!!! Make sure you don't buy suya there oh, I know that 404 is sweet but be careful.

You asked me so many questions so I am going to answer them one by one. First of all, my darling girl, I have asked you not to call my cousins Aje-butter. Because they are phonetically inclined does not mean they have forgotten their motherland, in fact Ngozi and Nkiru are making plans to visit Nigeria in the summer. If you ask me, they are tru Nigerians to the core. You made mention that you want to visit, well, my apartment is not ready for visitors yet and I have to receive my undergraduate degree and get a job before you can visit. I will bring you here as soon as the embassy in Lagos gives you in visa. You dont really have to line up, when I come back in 1999, I will go there myself and get it for you.

You should also stop worrying about whether I found another woman to marry. Haba I have told you many times that you are so beautiful and delicious. What will make me find another woman and even sef where will I find a woman as beautiful and delicious as you???

You asked me what part time job I am doing now, well I am a Street Quality Assurance Manager for the city of Boston. We work at night to make sure that all the streets are safe by making sure no rubbish is left on the road. They might promote me soon to director of supervision. My day time job when I am not in class is Director of Logistics. I make sure people in Boston get to where they want when they call us to help them. My car is yellow, your favorite color.

What do your parents mean by I have to pay half a million Naira for your bride price. Haba, the cow I bought two years ago christmas, have they finished it? If you say it again, I will just come back in 2003 when inflation is lower. Anyway, I have been telling my friends how lucky I am to have you as my fiancee. I am so honored.

I have something to tell you to tell your junior brother. Tell him I have to disappoint him. I know that Lekki sunsplash is coming up this easter but unfortunately, I cannot bu him the Nike hightops he wants, or the Tommy hillfiger or the Doc Martens, timberlands (In Nigeria???), CK and Polo all before easter. In fact, I don't even wear Doc Martens of illfiger. I just heard about Doc Martens when you wrote. Come, let me ask you, where does he get all these names from. He is suppose to be reading his Ababio for his chemistry exam instead he seems to be reading Sports illustrated tha Uncle Emma deems fit to subscribe to. I am even surprised his subscription gets there.

By the way, I took your advise and went to this church called deeper life investigative ministries and the pastor told me I was possessed. I said "chineke mee" I travel far and near and did man wan insult me in one day. I told him he was the one who was possessed and left. I went to Boston Church of Eternal Salvation and five minutes into the service, the pastor asked,

"Which nation is the best in the world?"

Everyone shouted "heaven". Pastor said you are all wrong, guess again.
So the congregation thought hard and said "God's kingdom.
The Pastor said "you are all wrong again, a Kingdon is different from a nation."


So the worried congregation asked "Pastor, what nation is the best then"
The Pastor made the sign of the cross even though he was not catholic and said,

"The best nation in the world is DOOONATION, so everyone open up your heart and give.

I swear, we must have donated about 14 times that day in church. I decided not to go back, I go to church to pray to win the lottery not to get broke. I now watch service on Channel 25 on sunday mornings.

You ask me why I am planning to buy a Tokunbo instead of a new car, well, I dont have any answer to that one, when you see car with air condition I am sure you will not complain, tokunbo or not. If it bothers you, we will paint it fresh.

Anyway, I have to run along to the post office and mail this if I want it to reach you this year. You know I can't put any money inside or picture because it will get stolen. When any of my friends is going to Nigeria, I will send you something. I am sorry I could not send you valentine's day gifts. I tried to call though but all I got was a voice like Aunt Teresa that said "All trunks are busy, try later" I kept trying later for a week and the same woman was still there telling me the same thing. I have given up. Write me as soon as you get this letter and dont tell your brother that you will be replying me.

I love you well well, my love for you will never ever die.


Your lover boy,

Olangbesho