LETTERS FROM THE FATHER-LAND

Dear Songri,

How are you?, How is your Doxology? I hope you are swimming in the ocean of health. How are all the women over there? I hear they are in plentitude, specifically the American women and they are fiiiiinnnnee. Karibi received your letter and in it you said you were interested in one American girl? Ishi black or ishi white? You know that if you marry Akata woman, papa go Skata you. You marry oyibo and he will totally finish you. Anyway, as your brother, I can only say be careful, you're my boy so I understand. I kind of hinted mama about what you said. She said the important thing is for you to marry for love. Anytime she tries to talk to papa, he says he is open-minded but he wants you to come home and marry. Papa actually thinks that you will marry the pastor's daughter when you come back. He is so naove (that's the word you taught me right?). He doesn't know what Eghosa has being doing with all the boys and men in this town, but mama knows. He may be open-minded but mama is broad-minded. Anyway, I will gist you when you come back.

Anyway, the MAIN purpose of this missive is to forward papa's message to you about his mode of transportation which for which I am not provided a key. He says his Daewoo Racer is giving the following problems and he is tired of paying Ikeregbe (Remember the mechanic) to repair them. The booth cannot open with the key, we have to bang it three times before it will open The gear box is not good because he stops too many times in the go slow. Nowadays, the car can only move in reverse. The other day, he almost hit bom-boy while reversing. The right trafficator in the car is no longer working, papa was almost in an accident because of that, so these days, he only makes left turns. So therefore, even though papa said to ask you for money to repair all of these things, I think it will be better if you ship a new car when you are coming this december. At least that way, we have two trafficators and we wont keep going left till we reach Mile 2 or Festac. Oh yeah, make sure it is Automatic - you don't want to send bom-boy's to the hospital. If you can put a remote control booth, that will be excellent. It is difficult to carry a bag or rice, put it down, bang on the booth three times and then carry the bag of rice up again. Please, my back is killing me these days and you don't want to send me to the hospital. And don't forget to add money for fuel or petrol whatever you call it.

By the way, mama said to thank you for all the pails you bought the last time. If you had not bought any pail in this house, we wouldn't be able to fetch water from Mama Alago's house. Sorry I keep forgetting that you Americanas like to call everything differently, I am talking about the buckets in case you have forgotten what we call it here.

Yours in Brotherhood

Oghenechukwu